When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.Then I realised God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.

- Emo Philips -

Source: www.banksy.co.uk

Happy Belated Birthday!

For a close friend

Dear "mi"!

I know it is so late when you receive my gift this evening coz your b'day was over since Mar 27. However, I still want to bring you something not because I should or I have to. I just want you keep something from my side because who knows what will be will be. A Marc Levy book which I still have not yet read but I can see the excitement in your eyes when you talk about it. I intended to buy you a ring. Yeah, I know it seems ridiculous but be aware that I am never about to ask for your hand. No way! but I hope you still remember what I promised. I did keep my promise with G. and now you. But it is okay. May be next year.
The last thing I want to say that ...I know you never can read these messages hahaha

The Reader

I have just finished watching "The Reader" and got a lot of thoughts in my mind. Well I just think if we can live with or without the past. "The Reader" showed me that we couldn't change the past nor we can not live without it. However the fact in that with the past we never can go forward.

How strange! Hana Schmitz a very normal woman who was not able to read got big effect to a boy till the rest of his life. Was it because he met her when he was so young and it seemed she got influenced to him or this boy is so emotional? Hana once left Michael Berg and she left him again after 20 years. There is something unchange from this woman. She may had changed her job. She may changed her place but the habit of being hearing reading and her determine seem never change. In her eyes Michael was never a man. He was a kid eventhough he grows up and his face got lots of lines he was still a growing up kid in her mind. Maybe Michael can explain and fight for a different sentence for Schmitz. Maybe he knows the reason that she was not the one who wrote the letter. He might knew the fact but he never can guess what Hana was about to do.

The first time Hana left he cried. The second time Hana left he cried, just same as 20 years ago. But the thought and motivation of Michael for Hana never changes. He again read for her. A a result, Hana can read and write. She led us from surprise to surprise. But maybe just maybe ... Michael never could explain why Hana decided to leave him time by time while he didn't realize that he partly led her to the death. She wrote a lot of letters, she hoped then she was let down. She never proved that she needs him and that was the only time she asked him to write her back but he didn't. Until Hana met her kid, she realized there were too much differences that she couldnt get in line with the modern life. It was much better if they kept her in prison forever then maybe Hana would be still alive. Michael took his hand back when she offered to hold his hand and such. It was enough to kill Hana because she knows well that she never could turn back the time. People all in that lawsuit knew well that Hana never lied.Only when she faced to her past; her hope she lied herself that she didn't remember anything. Finally death must be a way for her to unchain her life. Hana was never felt tired of her life because if she felt that she did kill herself in prison. She just hoped day by day even if it was so small. Just when she got the tape the hope became bigger and bigger and made her to do what she most scared : read and write. She would rather to get the 20 year-sentence than admit that she was unable to read and write. How pity that Michael did not realize it or Hana is still a question for him in the rest of his life. Because in Hana's mind Berg is still a kid as always.

Nail painting -> pink, pink pink!!!

Finally, I got my pink fingers. But just on left hand. The right one is still clear.

sickness

Then I find out that I'm sick. Now I dare not to do anything. Dare not to dream, dare not to run, dare not to stand too long ...coz I'm tired so tired. I thought I could not live longer at the accident and I was scared of the death at that time. The feeling spending 1 night in hospital was terrible. I thought that I was in hell. Maybe tomorrow or tomorrow's tomorrow I will see the doctor because I can stand more. It is painful and lonely. I do not want to get so many dieases when I am so young now. I still have many things to do.

I could not have dinner. It seemed it is gonna serious. I feel so painful that I just want to crawl on the floor like a snake. I am really scared now...

My life is like a mess this time. I can not do anything at all. Career? Nothing is new! I am still working in that air ticket agency. Love? No way I feel so lonely. Look? Hmmm I am getting older and older, can not realize myself in the mirror. Friends? They left all just because I was too busy and had no time for any body.

..........................

Today I watched Slumdog Millionaire. It is okie but I just do not know why they won lot of Oscars. It is not really excellent. What an Indian movie!

Okie, what a boring entry! I will join a career day tomorrow. Work, work, work that is the only one left in my life at the moment. I work to feel myself useful. I work to forget someone I met and might be loved-I know. I work to keep myself busy. I work and I work so hard.

4 a friend

My dear friend,

I haven't spoken with you very very long time eventhough our houses r opposite. On the other hand, you are my neighbour. We got a great time when we were young. It just last for 5 years I guess.

When I am going to 6th grade, I moved to another school and I didn't talk with you since then. We have just recently met eachother few times and now what I got is you are about to get married. How fast! We are the same age or you are 6 month elder than me. I just can't believe that you will get married next Sun. You didn't even tell me when we had lunch time. Okie, maybe we are not as close as before anymore.
I know you never can read these messages.

So I become the last single one in our small town.Oops!